Monday, September 30, 2013

Hypocrisy with a dash of corprate brainwashing

The title of this post came to me while driving home from one of my jobs last of my part time jobs.
I was attending a "staff meeting". Since I have only been at this job for two shifts, and have not had much transaction with most of the staff, that range in age from 18-65 and who have all not been there for more then 2 months except for two of them out of the 15 of us, and those two have been there a few years, I was unsure of what to expect.
I mean, what does a staff meeting mean, what does it entail, what does the manager hope to get out of it and what does the staff gain by this meeting overall that would justify the manager allocating money from her budget to pay all of us to be there....these are questions that run through my mind as I drive to these "staff meetings".
So it started off with some pleasantries "Hi my name is ----- and I have worked here for so and so many shifts, months or years....bla bla bla, we then played a silly game and then went straight into some video's that we had to watch that came from head corporate office in the USA....the video included all the new ways we are to SELL SELL SELL, and to show us all the new pretty shiny things. I know that's how the corporate world works...I know it's all about the "bottom dollar"....I get just annoys me so much...and it's just not me really.
What bothered me the most is what came next. I little video on a program that this particular company sponsors. I will not go into the details here of what the program is specifically called, but it's one of those one's that saves the children of Africa type of sponsored program. We are to sell as many of the cards we have for this "sponsorship" as possible....and if we sell the amount the company finds pleasing...then they will send my manager to New I do all the selling...I get NOTHING, but my manager goes to New York.....ummm okay?
So to try to "pull on our heart strings technique" and to get us to sell sell sell more of these....they implemented some "hands on" visuals for us to "feel the experience". Not sure how this was supposed to want us to "sell more cards" but it was their way.
So the manager filled a big bucket of nice fresh clean water from the store, and nice new perfect rubbermaid bucket, and had us carry the bucket from one end of the store to the other....again, clean water, new bucket, in a nicely heated and lighted store....and this was to signify to us what a six year old African boy has to go through up to five times a day....except he walks up to 5 miles a day 5 times a day, but our 10 foot walk is practically the same....according to this company I am working for lol.
So while talking about all the "numbers" this corporate sponsor has come up with for all the "African problems in percentile form" we were all pigging out on much food at the table, that in fact the store manager even thought it appropriate to bring it well we are eating, but the poor African children would be jealous......WOW.....this just seemed so wrong to me on so many levels.
So after this disturbing experience, we are just about done the staff meeting, and I ask who will be at the store tomorrow morning, as I have a early shift.....3 hours before the store even opens up type of early....and I needed to know how I was going to get into the store since non of us have keys. I was informed that I just need to use my cell phone to call the store (which I am standing out in front of) and they will come out and open the door for me (again, I am standing right out front of a store with MASSIVE WINDOWS...but I need to call on my cell phone?)
So I told them I don't have a cell which I have never in my life experience such loud would have thought I just told them all some more efficient facts, like facts about how many people in Lethbridge are actually homeless and starving....but no....all I did was say I didn't have a cell phone.
Well this melt down ended with them all not knowing what to do with me.....I mean....not only do I no have a cell phone...I'M A VEGETARIAN (which they also discovered while passing around the meet platter earlier) now they are terrified that they have hired some insane dirty hippie peace freak who might start some type of crazy protest LMAO....I might start informing people of some local facts or something.....and not some made up stupid shit about a country that NON of them even know about!!!
So was a great productive staff meeting  :-)
(side note...they had to actually look out the window this morning for me lol....not sure if they will recover from that experience lol)

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Death of a friendship

There are fazes of grief that one goes through when dealing with a death of anything. Doesn't have to be only experienced when there is an actual death of someone.....this can be with the loss of anything.
For me....the death that I speak of a five year friendship. It's hard to write about, as the death of this friendship is still fresh, and near to my heart, but I am writing about it in hopes of some therapeutic healing from it.
I decided that today was the day I would begin to write and talk about I just finished watching a documentary on t.v about the friendship of two men over a period of over 40 years....and how after all those years....the death of their friendship arrived. Both men still alive....but there were some life epiphanies that happened that brought them to that space.
Well.....I had one of those life epiphanies with my friendship. Those that I believe truly know me, know of my honesty. This can often be brutal, depending on how you see it. I was put in a situation with this friendship that I speak of to be honest...and honest in the most brutal way. There was no way to "pussy foot" around the situation in this case. I could not "sugar coat" what I had to all just needed to be said.
I was sickened and worried about how this friend would handle what I had to say....but I thought that being such great and true friends for this long, and this friend truly knowing who I was, that even though it hurt what I said, that they would see why I said what I said and we would come out the other side even stronger as friends.
This was not the case. And so the grieving stages have begun. I have gone from anger, to the pain of crying, to disbelieve, back to questioning my actions and second guessing myself...only to realize...umm it's a little to late for that said it all. But then thinking about it all over again....and knowing that I really am happy with the decision to be honest.
I wasn't always honest in my life about feelings with friends. I often just wanted to be the people pleaser....make sure that everyone was happy and that all was "good".....never wanted to make people cry or upset....and often I was the person to help "smooth" situations out.....well....not anymore.
I like who I have become. I like that I don't have to "think" about how I am going to express my feelings....why should I? Why should I not be honest? Don't we tell our children "just tell me the truth hunny"....well WTF....why are we all not telling the honest truth then? Is it because we are all afraid that non of us can handle it anymore? Has society become so effing pathetic that we can't handle the truth anymore?
"Oh geez, Tina said something honest and hurtful, better get some pills for that to help you handle it" That's ANOTHER thing that pisses me off....that society runs to the doctor to "help" with the "pain" of the truth. SERIOUSLY.....have we all lost our big boy/girl panties so much that we can't effing handle the effing truth anymore!!!!!!!!!
I have heard hurtful truths spoken to me, about me and at me....and you know what.....I AM STILL HERE, I AM NOT TAKING ANYTHING TO COPE WITH IT AND I HAVEN'T LOST MY MIND. In fact....I think I am a stronger person because of it....because I was able to take what I heard and see it for what it was and use it.
I am going to allow myself to grieve for a bit longer....and then I know I need to move on from that "space". I am currently in the space of disappointment....disappointed that my friend just let it all go, that this person could not let go of their ego and just see and hear it and not justify it. Disappointed that I thought more of our friendship then they did obviously.
So thank you my strange internet land for hearing me...and being part in my journey of grief. Thank you my now estranged friend, for you have given me another life experience to learn and grow from and to teach others about. I am sure that I will think of you often.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Harvest season

Here in southern Alberta it's harvest season....the fields are very busy with every kind of combine machine equipment that one can think of.
So today, having the day off, I spent the later morning and early afternoon outside tidying up our backyard and garden area. I took out all the dead and dieing flowers and planted all my spring bulbs. We had our first frost last night, and I like to plant spring bulbs right after the first frost. I always look forward to spring to see how my hard work paid off from the fall.
To my surprise, I was able to still harvest some green beans and cucumbers even though we had a frost last night.
I also have a bunch of sunflowers that are about to burst will some wonderful fall colors...I had planted these ones pretty late in the summer and wasn't sure if they would even flower....but turns out I planted them just at the right time.

Thursday, September 26, 2013


~ A mental process of judging.
This terrifies some....others embrace the opportunity to even have the choice. I tend to be of the latter.  As hard as some I have had to make in my life...I am so ever grateful to be given the chance and opportunity to have a choice.
This what having a "choice" means to me.
I am pretty sure I could go on with my list.....but these seemed to pop out near the top for me as I sit here writing this post by the seat of my pants.
This post has evolved today because I was put in the path of a "choice".  Here is a little bit about how it all started.
A few weeks ago, I applied to MANY jobs.....I felt like a bit of a job whore actually lol. Pimping my stuff to anyone who had a front door or an email address really. Some looked terrified....some patronized me and I then really did feel like a two bit whore...but whatever....when someone speaks to me with a condescending tone or way, I just feel sorry for them now.....sorry that they are CLEARLY not as sophisticated as I am and that's why they are jealous lol. I have had many interviews....which is great, because I do have a small addiction to interviews...where this comes from I do not know, but they don't scare me one bit....I freakin get a euphoric high off of them that cannot be explained. I think it started about 10 years ago, when I decided it was ridiculous to be afraid of interviews and look at them as reversal interviews. This is when I started to "turn" them around. You see...I always felt "not as good as the next guy" when applying for jobs or in the interview, but that changed. I started going into the interviews with the idea of "umm yeah, clearly I am the BEST one for this job....but are you the best job for ME?" And then I would ask them more questions about them selves or their company and they would get all kerfuffled and not know what to do. Over the years I honed my skills at this...doing major research of the company and the interviewer themselves to get a leg up on them....and so it just wound up turning into a challenge. Back then I would apply for jobs that really were totally out of my league just to see how I could "turn it around" and get experience from each situation and learn from that one and better my technique for the next one.....I mean....if they are gonna call me and bring me in...then it's their fault LOL.
Anyways, I was offered a job at this one place a week or so ago....customer service type job....not one that I really wanted...but was easy to get, easy job to do, it was part time and it got me out of the house to start.
Well then I went for ANOTHER interview for a job that I much preferred to have....again....even though it was the job I actually wanted....I went in with a rather arrogant but precise where you felt like this: yes I want and need the job, but I am not going to kiss your ass you either freakin like me and I will work my ass off for you or this interview is done.
I even told them near the end of the interview...I have been offered another job at another business, I would rather not take that job, so if you could let me know now or later today that would be great, as I would like to be respectful of the other offer and let them know asap.
I walked out of the office and they called me at home within two hours.
So, this is where the dilemma of choices came up. Do I quite the part time job that I started THAT day (yesterday) and just stick with the one full time one that is WONDERFUL. It's mon-thurs 7am-5:30pm, my WHOLE weekend off. Or do I do BOTH.
Now here's the thing. I have just finished living for 5 years in a SMALL town where there is no such things as JOB freakin take what you can get and you freakin love it now matter what.
Here, in what people call "God's country" cause the money is flowing, the jobs are plenty, and you get CHOICES. To live in a place where I am afforded the opportunity to CHOOSE.....well....I look at that and I think that's pretty freakin fantastic. And I am humbled and grateful and I think that this is a great day.
So great I decided to keep BOTH of the jobs. For now...until January. So pretty much starting in a few days, I will not have a day off until I told the hubster ya hunny, if you want some ya better get er done this after this weekend, it's gotta wait til January lol. He now has a choice to make!!!!!! :-)

Monday, September 23, 2013

Hit by the "sick" bus is day seven of being sick. It's been a pretty long time since I have been THIS sick. I have had a cold here and there, but I was still able to go to work. Well THIS one has kicked my ass literally!!!!
I had what felt like razor blades in my throat for 5 of these seven days...yes...I went to the doctor, got meds...and STILL had razor blades in my throat. I was stuffed up on top of that, blowing the good green goop out my nose all day and all night...and the coughing that wouldn't stop til I puked and puked...which ignited to razor blades in the throat AGAIN.
So just when I thought THAT was the worst.....I get up to cough/puke again and I couldn't figure out why my left eye was not opening up for me so I could see the toilet for perfect aim. Well...looking in the mirror was like looking at a still picture of a horror film....scared the shit out of myself.
My eye was closed shut and sealed with green dried goop on the outside and nice fresh green goop on the after doing my one eye puking I was able to ungoop the one eye.
Then by 5am that same morning....the other eye was closed....YUP.....what a freakin treat I was that morning.
I came upstairs in the morning to a frightened husband who I can't even imagine what the hell he was thinking when he saw me.....he took me to emergency where even THEY looked at me like a freak show...WTF....are they no trained for this LOL.
So....slowly....I am getting my self back to "normal".....this should be IT for all sicknesses for at least 10 years.....RIGHT!!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Sometimes in this crazy world of social media I believe we need to disconnect a wee bit and remember who we are.
I am just as guily for spending oodles of time on facebook, or just surfing the net mindlessly....before you know it.....three hours is gone and you have nothing to show for your time.
It seems our world has become so obsessed with seeing what everyone else is doing that we forgot to care about what "we" ourselves should be meditating....slowing down...not trying to "fit" stuff in because we are sooooooo busy....we are not busy.....we just choose the internet to be our focus...whether it's from and Iphone or a lap top or whatever.....step back and disconnect for a day or two....that's what I am doing....I am going to do some meditating, some reflection and get things done around the house "not because I can fit them in".

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The system is chapping my hyde!

As some of you may have read a few months ago...this summer I attended court back in BC...all due to a incident when I worked at a convenient store a year ago.
That court hearing that I was to be a witness at was "dismissed" temporarily due to "over booking" of the court room for the day.
Well it's been a month or so ago now and I still have not received my compensation from BC's crown counsel for driving out there and back and the time and effort it took to do so...and as they promised it to me as well.
So I give them a shout today and while I was asking where my money is, I also happened to ask them if they knew if the case had been rescheduled yet. Well.....wouldn't you know's been set for DECEMBER 17, 2013!!!!!!!!!! Right smack in the middle of winter, just before Christmas!!!!! I just about choked on my tongue when I sputtered out..."your freakin joking me right?" which she said nothing :-)
Because of the shock I was in I began to immediately spew out my distorted demands to her not stopping for air of which was....I WILL NOT BE DRIVING IN WINTER CONDITIONS....SO YOU BETTER GET THE CHARTERED PLANE READY!!!!
She then went on to speak in some ridiculous dribble that I paid no attention to because of my immediate anger at this WHOLE situation and how because of some douche bag I am being forced to rearrange my life ONCE AGAIN. I don't really think it's safe for crown counsel to put me on the stand....I think in fact I shall state this fact to them next time we have words...that in fact, I am going to be detrimental to their case if asked to come out again!!!! END OF CASE!!!! :-) That or I will come up with some facts about have a terrible diarrhea disease that's can't be dealt with :-)

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Picnic in the park

Last week while I was in Vancouver visiting my Uncle in the hospital, we were able to get some down time at Granville Market. My sister, brother in law and I packed a picnic and had a wonderful time along the ocean. Good times, good memories :-)

Driving in the the market
Our packed picnic..yummy sandwiches, veggies and fruit
Sister and BIL
Activities that were happening around us
I thought we were taking a nice sisterly pic...and then she does THIS lol

Thursday, September 5, 2013

And then there is Tony......

I met this man Tony by surprise. When we went back to our farm a week or so ago we arrived to seeing him on our farm. When we looked at him from afar the first words out of my mouth were "Is Moses building a house on our property?" lol.
Well it turns out that the lady who will be living on our property hired him to build a shelter over her trailer....but I had no idea who he was or that he would be upon arriving and believing that Moses was building, my mind was a spinning.
We got out of the truck and he came walking towards us and we introduced ourselves as the property owners and he knew who we were right away. From there...all I can say is that my mind was BLOWN. He is the most unique, authentic and realistic human, and it was so refreshing to meet him. We knew him for all of 10 minutes and we were having the most in depth life discussion, which included everything from sex, masturbation,  off grid living, gardening, respect and tolerance. YEAH.....what your thinking in your head is what I was thinking....WTF...but I was saying that in a "oh man, I can't stop talking to him cause he's soooooo amazing and interesting."
He told me many profound and insightful things in our short time together, but one that stands out and I do believe really is true and important is: Always take something from every conversation you have with people you meet and look them in the eye when you are having a conversation.
So I thank Tony for looking me in the eye, for giving me MANY things that I was able to take from our conversation together....and if you ever need someone to do some stuff for you and your in the Cariboo region....Tony is cheap and easy and really really good at what he does LOL.

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

A fighter!

The last few weeks have been a whirl wind of activity for our family to say the least. It started off with my family all coming out to Alberta and having a party for my sister and her 50th bday and my Dad's 80th bday and having all the siblings together for the first time in about 15 yrs.
Then me and the hubster headed back to the farm in BC and picked up our final load of belongings out of the sea can and brought it back here to AB. We were home for less then 15 hrs when we got an emergency phone call that my one and only blood uncle was in the ICU in Vancouver and he had already died twice and they brought him back. My sister and I made the decision to leave right away and head for Vancouver to see our only uncle. My husband drove me to Calgary where my sister is and then my sister and her husband and I drove all through the night to make it to Abbotsford where we would meet up at our parents place. We arrived at 7am and slept at their house for two hours, woke up and hit the road for down town Vancouver.
All we knew was that he had knee surgery 2 days prior and this was complications from that surgery. Non of us knew what was happening until we go there to see him.
It was the best decision we ever made to see him, and it was worth the insane all night drive to be there. My sister in law, who is a nurse her self, who has worked on the heart transplant ward of VGH, and has had the most insanely intense hospital jobs a nurse could have told us that 75% of people who go through what our uncle went through DIE. She said it absolutely was a miracle he was alive and doing as well as he was.
While he was intabated with a tube down his throat but awake and conscious, the first thing he scribbled on a piece of paper to my Dad was "what are we gonna do about our lottery tickets" LOL....seriously.....he just died.....TWICE...and that's what he writes on a piece of paper to my Dad.
When we get there, the tube was out and he sees us in the ICU for 5 minutes, and his big concern was where was he gonna recommend that we eat in the big city while there! WTF.....crazy Uncle Nick!!!
He had a couple of good days while we were there, but today he sounded weak and down today, and that saddens me, as I wish him a speedy recovery. He has not been up or moved around at all, and for a man that has been on the go non stop for his whole 67 yrs. this is hard.
I do believe without a shadow of a doubt, that his life style has saved him this time. I have a cousin who joked at first that he was the healthiest one in the family and HE'S in the hospital....however, I truly to believe it's because of that he is alive today. He's been a jogger up until a year or so ago, when his knee got bad and he couldn't run anymore...that was HORRIBLE for him...but he got this knee surgery done and then complications arose and I think his vegetarian life style and exercising is what saved him and helped him to keep living.
I pray that he continues to recover in a speedy fashion and that he will live to run the sea wall once again!!!