Sunday, April 27, 2014

Breakfast club idealism

So last week on Facebook I went on a little rant about being your self and not caring what people think. For those of you who have no freakin clue who I am in this world and I do not know you either....this means you did not see the rant and so I will give you a brief over view lol.
Last week at work I was able to have MY radio station on in my little area....this is exciting first of all, because this NEVER happens that I get to choose what music we few listen to.
I was able to find a station that had some amazing fast paced, rave type music...the kind that your body parts start moving to even if you don't know it yet. Well things happen to me when I get MY kind of music....I just tend to go in to a "zone".....the effects of music on humans is truly amazing....and I live for this makes my whole body smile from this inside out.
So....anyways.....a really really super great favorite song of mine came on and I just cranked it up high and I started to dance in my little space...and I mean dance...I did not hold back, I did not care that 5 people were staring at me with the looks of WTF!
For one second I opened my eyes and saw the WTF look and it made me smile bigger....and then I shouted as loud as I could over the music..."You know what's great about being Robyn?......I don't give a shit what anyone thinks! "
I hate that the world tries to put us into categories ....I went through this in high school already...and now as an adult it happens high school you go through the sections of "prep, jock, stoner, headbanger, nerd etc..."
As and adult you are either a Mother/Father, Worker, A bum, Welfare precipitant, single Mom ,divorced etc....again...categories that OTHERS want to put you in.
I often get told by either my Mother first of all.....or the "look" from others....or the behind my back talk of "She should act more her age....she sure does NOT act her age...(or my favorite one).....Your a Mother now and you have to act accordingly....LMAO
I am not sure who set the "standard of what I am supposed to act like"....but I say FUCK THAT....yup....I don't do "standards"....I do ME...whatever ME happens to be that day...I change daily, my ideas, my thoughts, what I like or don't like.....THEY CHANGE.....and this I think might be the problem for those that wonder WTF with that Robyn chick....they are stuck...and they can't change...they can't let go, they can't not care what others so so so very sad.
I am sure to them that day at work I looked like a person having a seizure....I on the other hand was in another dimension of bliss and completeness.
I am so lucky to have such a great and understanding hubster too....because often when I get home from work or on a weekend like this one we are in right now....he will get the surround sound on and let me BLAST my favorite music even though it's not his favorite and I dance around the house all day.....sometimes it's just for a few songs..but either way....he knows and can see that I go to that "happy place within" and this makes his heart smile too.
So for those of you who are STUCK....I say...don't give a FUCK....BE YOU, DO YOU.....whatever that may be.....I really like being me....cause to me...I kinda rock! :-)

Saturday, April 19, 2014

What's love got to do with it....


I don't often talk to much about the hubster on here....he's private....I am not....this is my thing...not his.
With that being said though....I kinda have to brag about him this earlier morning.....( I say early because I was up at 4:30 am on the Saturday of a long weekend when I don't need to be up lol ) 
There was something about this man right from the beginning that set him apart from all other's hard to describe it...I can try to explain it but I am not sure you will get it.
First of all....the love this man gives me on a daily basis STILL blows my mind.....especially on those days I clearly do not deserve know those days...when one can be such a cranky bitch...yet he still hugs me and tells me he loves me....what this loud mouth, no brain to mouth filtered insane woman really needed though in her life was a man strong enough both mentally and emotionally and yes physically to handle ME. I needed a man who was not afraid of me or what I bring with me....and he is that 100% 
I always knew is was gonna take a special breed of man to deal with my life and he has stepped up that plate gloriously. 
We have been married for almost 6 years....together for 8 years....and it blows my mind how much we keep STILL falling in love with each other....we both have never experienced this. To experience such true love and passion is truly amazing. I am such a blessed woman.....I may not always think it or show it when he pisses me off lol....oh don't get me wrong....I am being all mushy gushy here right now....but that's not to say we don't have our arguments...we are not perfect, but it's how we deal with those times that make us who we are as a couple today.
This weekend my husband gave me a hickey on my neck.....I know I know....we are not 16...yeah yeah...there are people with their opinions about how wrong that is....I say WHO FREAKIN CARES what my husband does to his WIFE. Get over it....I am fully aware of what he was doing in that moment....and I loved every moment of it. My husbster knows me better then any other person on this planet currently and dammit that feels great. 
So baby cakes....thank you for the effort and time and love and care that you put into this relationship every day...and thank you for loving me so unconditionally that I can still be me and not have to change or need to be changed but just loved for every part of who I am just the way I am. 
I know people who don't have this and for them I am sad....but I will NOT feel bad for experiencing the what great love there can be in this world...I just wish the whole world could feel this awesomeness that the hubster gives me!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Can't help those who won't help themselves

It's one of the most frustrating things to sit back and watch....someone who just is not "alive". Someone who is just existing but thinks they are living. What's worse is watching them in a miserable relationship that sucks their soul.
This would be a close co worker of mine. He's a young kid of only 26....and he's been in an abusive relationship for 9 months....he's abused mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically...but he won't admit to that...cause he's a man and for him that is just to embarrassing. I have listened for the last 4 months about what he goes through on a daily basis with a woman who is so controlling and abusive it would make your head spin with insanity....I often shake my head daily when I hear and see what he goes through...and keeps taking. I listen, counsel and often advice as best as I can with what I have to offer. There have been times that I have nothing to offer but to shake my head in disbelief.
Well yesterday...he made his first big choice....he left her.
He doesn't have a licence as he doesn't drive due to high anxiety...he has self esteem issues out the wazoo...and a host of other things I will not go into. He has no family here...and my gut just told me to help.
The hubster did not know what was happening...other then his wife calling him and telling him a strange co worker who he has never met is coming home with me...oh and by the way....I'm bringing his 2 1/2 year old son too.
So.....this weekend has been awkward to say the least....because I made my family vulnerable by bringing work home so to speak..and watching a broken man try to get his life back together...but still being torn by the manipulation of the one he left by constant text which he ignored yesterday, but today he is answering again.
I wish I could take his phone and flush it. I wish I could make him "see" what there is ahead of him....I wish he could promise me he will not go back...but non of this is a guarantee....cause there is no such thing in life at all.
I have to say though...I got to be an "Oma" for a weekend to the most adorable little boy EVER.....I have swallowed up his cuteness.....I gave him a bath last night and taught him out to spit he took all my buttons and had them scattered all over the house....we played in the sink with water....we played airplane in the laundry basket...and he even through a temper tantrum when I took the broom away from him which I thought the hubster was gonna loose his shit lol.....he's not so much of a "small kid having a fit" kinda guy lol.
My own kids have told me that they will never have to have this little guy here this weekend has been a joy to me.
I have been told numerous times this weekend that I am spoiling him way to much...and to that I say "YES I AM".
As far as the co worker goes....I have no idea if this will have been a whole waste of my time or energy....but either way...I want him to know that he has a friend, someone who listens, someone who will never pussy foot around his issues and who will tell him what he NEEDS to hear and not what he WANTS to hear.
He may go back, and I will be frustrated...but it's not my battle to fight...he has a journey of life he needs to awaken to and start living....but it's just so hard to watch the battle.
So my dearest co worker...I know you will never read this, but I want your soul to know that I am routing for you...routing for your strength and understanding that there is more to you and life then you know, and it will get better and you CAN do it. I know you can, and I believe in you.

Sunday, April 6, 2014


Transplantation time! The plants on the dinning room table seem to be out of control yesterday I spent the afternoon carefully transplanting the grow op from the original containers to larger ones so they can now get even bigger and ready for garden time in a while.
I was talking to a neighbor across the road and her garden grow op has been going in her basement since JANUARY....wowzer...but I have to say...that lady has the best kick ass garden I have seen in a while...her leeks and asparagus and every other damn vegetable she grows are so awesome and yummy and perfect. I pick her brain at every chance for gardening advice.
So since I transplanted yesterday...from small containers to larger...the room on the dinning room table....well...there isn't much...yeah for eating on the couch! lol

Saturday, April 5, 2014


Yup....I will never change who I am because some one else is uncomfortable with who I am....that's just if my loud and opinionated ass bothers you....maybe you should move on then...cause this girl is waving her freak flag super high today!!!