Two new kids on the block

So yesterday we went to town to get me some kids :-) It seems I need some extra entertainment in my life so I got two goldfish. Yup...it has come to this in my life that I now need goldfish. But as all Mom's do, they think their children are the best and most perfect....so I believe my ridiculous looking goldfish are the cutest and bestest ever!
So I am happy to introduce to you Linden (orange fishy) and Holder (black fishy)....they are named after my favorite detectives from a Netflix series called The Killing....I binge watched that series and LOVED it.

Also...I believe that all fishies should feel like that are living in a permanent life of happiness which in my world would be Shambhala...so I gave them rainbow rocks so their world would be fun and bright and happy! The End

So it's been a while....

Yup...totally not been in the mood to post...not for any particular reason....just been doing stuff or sleeping really lol.
Here is what has been happening though.....
The dinning room table is covered in seed starting containers
We went to BC to see my parents cause they sold their home and are moving to a condo
My daughter moved in with her new boyfriend and is starting a zoo of snakes, plus other animals lol
I stopped driving truck and started working in the office of the same company
We have no snow and we live in Canada...yes...that's really a thing
Today I feel like my house is a house of hoarders and I would like to chuck everything away lol...but I am sure that feeling will pass in and hour and I will be glad I did not chuck everything out.
My hubster taught my Mother how to take selfies and put them on her computer from camera and send emails....pretty much the craziest thing in the world just happened!
Here are a few pics of the last wee bit.

Umm yeah...pretty much totally the truth here

Downtown Vancouver area-ish

Having a full on dairy overload of goodness in Grand Forks BC

Rick the Dick...the tarantula who is a girl with a boy's name...and this was the first time I got to hold her cause she's a bit of a dick...and she is part of my daughters "zoo" lol

Oh you know...just some Mother Son dinosaur roaring fun play while he is at work

Girl child's new digs in the city

Veggie grow op started in the dinning room area

My Mothers first selfie ever....74 years old and this craziness has started!

My kinda happy

Happiness is spending the long weekend with my hubster driving to nowhere and creating memories that we hope we remember lol.
Happiness is closing my eyes and breathing deeply and taking in all of the nature surrounding me and it's awesomeness.
Happiness is getting an owl onesie and not taking it off all weekend!

So there's this girl.....

We met almost 20 yrs ago. I had heard of her long before I had met her. I was friends with her older sister at first...and then we became best friends. My first interaction with her was in Seattle of all places....at a restaurant on some side street where she was drinking a beer....the both of us were there in Seattle for an all women's christian retreat called "Women of Faith". She was taken there by family and friends who were trying to "save" her....she was not ready to be saved though.....and so I found her in this family restaurant trying to "escape the saving".
After that we had another accidental meeting together...and it was a weekend away to a place of "healing". The both of us had been gifted an expensive "find your self" retreat....both of us had anonymous donors gift us this 4 day intense therapy thing that basically messes with your shit for four days and you try to come out of it feeling all "lets love the effing world" type thing. And it worked....and it lasted....for a month...and then you go all back to your "what the hell is wrong with me" life lol.
It was in this four day escapade that we bonded more....because we heard each others shit in more detail...we both met other people there who we have since bonded with and kept in contact with over the years.....but our friendship was different....how...and why....I will never know.
What I know is this.....our friendship was also unhealthy.
She is an alcoholic and I was an enabler.
That being said...and I am sure there are some Al Anoner's out there who will say I am enabling by saying this....she did save my life.
How?....she told me over and over and over again that I was beautiful and that I was worth it...and that any guy would be LUCKY to have me.....she told me this in a time of my life that I felt like "shit". I had no self esteem....I had no voice...and I felt like even if I had a voice....I was not to be heard and no one cared....all that mattered was that I was a Mom and I was to raise my two kids on my own and smile and love God and lets all just hold hands and sing Kumbayah!
And so I felt supported for being me, I felt for the first time that I was not judged....the both of us could be ourselves and the rest of the world did not understand us except for each other.
I look back now and I think of all the hilarious, wonderful, toxic, abusive, exhilarating things we did together....and I think...what the hell were we thinking? Oh that's right...we weren't.....we were just "living".
So being a friend of an alcoholic sure takes an emotional slab out of your soul. There were things I saw...things I heard from her that were unimaginable to my human mind....and I felt so incapable of helping...so I would just "be" there for her....and she would in return just "be" there for me.
So over the years we have connected...and then disconnected again....and again...just very recently...reconnected again.
I love her, I miss her....she is the one person in the world....other then my big brother...that know the real me....that saw my "shit"...that saw me at my worst and still loved me.
I struggle with her need and desire for alcohol...she has been sober for a while again....how long she will be again...I don't know....or if she really is even sober...I hope so for her sake.
I also struggle with this idea. Who am I to judge her so harshly....I have said some hurtful things to her that I am sure not proud of...but in the moment I felt they needed to be said...and that is the theme of my life so to speak...I say things often in the moment that are harsh and hard to hear...and so do I really take back what I said and feel bad for it..or do I stand by the words of hurt and own them.
We all change, we all learn...we all keep making mistakes...who am I to judge another....!
So once again....I will be that friend this time that encourages her, loves her..and accepts the love back from her that she gives me....we are on this earth and are living this life journey for such a short time....and the older I get the harder it's gets to understand this journey so I take each day at a time...and I am grateful for each day I get to figure it all out all over again. 
A couple of days ago on Valentines....she had wished me "many bra's...hoped that I would be spoiled with many bra's"....oh how this made me laugh....you see...when she knew me...I would NEVER wear one....it was hard for me to even get dressed on days yet alone out on a freakin bra lol.....I felt like it didn't matter anyways....no one wanted me so why the hell did the sisters needed to be all "wrapped up" lol....so she would say things to me like "Robyn, we are not going out until you put your damn bra on".
And so to this day....when I go bra shopping I think of her...if only for a split second...she is there in my head....and it's ridiculous that I am thinking of a women while I bra shop...but I do...cause this woman reminded me in a time that I could not think....to be beautiful.
So...my journey of friendship with her continues....where it will take us I don't know....I know we are 20 years older and still trying to figure our shit out....but I am glad that we are gifted each day here to try and figure our shit out.
On this family day weekend in Canada.....I think about a friend who was my "family" for years...yes we were a dysfunctional family.....just like so many "real" family's out there....but we functioned some how...and so today I shall reflect on family...and what family means to me :-) 

V Day fantacy men

So every girl can dream....and my dreams consist of three men....all of which the hubster is fully away of. These three men are all completely opposite of each other and have nothing in common and I suppose that's why I fantasize about three of them instead of one, cause just one does not fa fill all my wants or desires. I cannot even begin to fathom a pretend man that would be all three of these dudes....because it just simply will never exist and so there for I shall continue my "dream world".

GSP....do I really need to say more about this

Oh my Woody...and his dreamy ideas

Oh David...and his naughty bad boy thing that just is and happens to be crossing over to some new area of "save the cows thing" that makes him even hotter...sheesh

 
So all this being said....these are men of fantasy. Then there is the man of real. My husband...whom I do not post pictures of here as per request and also desire. As this is my thing not his...and so while I do talk about him often, it's not my place to drag him into my shit on line here.
My real man...well he surpasses all of the fantasy....and I am not just saying that....he loves me with all his heart and soul...takes care of me like I have never been taken care of before....he challenges me which makes me crazy but at the same time I love....I'm not sure if he will ever fully understand me, but he thinks he does and I love him for thinking he does...cause honestly....it's comforting to hear that someone "gets me"...and so I'm cool with that.
So happy love day....today I feel super loved, and that makes me smile :-)

Opinionation

So I have been told  many times in my life that I am "opinionated". The first time I smiled...the second time I smiled...and each and EVERY time I hear it I smile...but recently I have come to think about this a lil more. The reason being...I had a situation at work...yeah...shocker right lol...and well....my boss has told me several times..."your just so opinionated". Yes...yes I am...and quite frankly...I'm okay with that.
I am happy that I am secure enough in myself to have the opinions that I have...that I am confident enough to have a voice and speak how I feel. I cannot even begin to fathom those that DON'T have an opinion....those that are too scared speak of what they actually think...or those that just simply do not care.
I am so happy that there are those that do not speak or care...for it gives us that do more room to speak lol. What would this world do with out all of us people who have an opinion...yeah yeah...I know...it would be peaceful......but I bet it sure would be boring too!
Opinions are great gateways for fantastic conversations...and sometimes they lead to stupendous debates that cause a euphoria in my brain that lasts for hours...oh how I love those ones.
So what makes some people dislike that I am opinionated? Well I have no freakin clue lol. Is it that they don't care about anything and feel that it's nonsense that I do in fact care...or they don't like just how passionate I am when it comes to whatever the heck I am speaking of lol
I for sure know this...my opinions change...I grow...I learn....I reassess what I have heard or felt from before.....it's so great to be ever evolving and learning and changing...somethings don't change...and I like to examine those opinions too....like why I have the stayed so steadfast for so long and over the test of time...why is it unwavering? Anything that challenges my brain and points of view are just so titillating. 
The times where I don't even have time to think as I just "react" ....yeah...those opinions are probably the most fun....maybe not for the receiver but man...they sure are for me...sometimes I even shock myself with what comes out of my mouth...like how does that even happen I wonder...that I am shocked by my own words...like who the heck has taken over the brain to mouth gateway in these situations lol....either way...it sure is a carnival ride.
My Mom has told me many times in my life "Robyn...it's like you have a beacon on your forehead just inviting excitement into your life".....or like my boss said the other day "it's like you invite drama"....well...I can't freakin help it...I don't know what's going on or where or why weird shit happens to me....but I won't deny it happens either...but it does tend to be a rather exciting life...and I wouldn't want it any other way!

Owl day long :-)